lately life has thrown me a few challenges. people may not know them because i HATE talking about it, but on here its so much easier just to blog my feelings where everything remains anonymous. and the people i have that read my blogs are my friends. they have their own problems as well, and they have great advice and always at least one person knows how to help or gives me their advice. but anyways i have been thinking alot about my life lol and what would make me happy. there are alot of things that i have found but one, one i just cant figure out how to get. it turns out this thing that would make me super! happy, i cant get, because i dont want to hurt anyone else, and i dont want to ruin someone else's relationship. maybe it is just a crush that i have had since i dont know (this sounds sooo crazy and retarded) sophomore year? i dont actually know how long it has been, but every time i try to get close to this person, they find someone else. its like an ongoing tug of war with other people. why cant it just work out for once? am i doing something wrong? is it just not worth it? i cant help my feelings but also i cant help but wonder...will it ever work out? we have a connection i feel it every time we talk, but is he scared of me? am i scared of him? is it just easier to let it be and compare every other guy to him? because i just cant seem to let it go....
Life is sometimes really difficult. The people who you think are your good friends sometimes screw up. They do or say things that hurt you. But the worst part is that they don’t realize it. They don’t realize how their actions affect other people. I mean it is wonderful to have a great relationship with parents or family or whoever, but there are some things that shouldn’t be shared, especially if you know it will jeopardize someone else's life or their happiness or even your relationship with them. They could at least ask the person if they care if it’s shared. Everyone screws up sometimes, especially me, but I’ve realized through other people around me that I am a different person around them. I act meaner than I am when I'm with them which is weird cuz I hate being mean. But I never really realized how I’m affected by these people that I spend so much time with. Maybe I need a break from it all, maybe I just need to let loose, o wait I did, and for some reason I feel bad about what I did and I shouldn’t. It shouldn’t be this difficult to have a little more fun. You only live once. but I just cant understand why people are so hypocritical because they did a little of the same thing I did ... so if anyone understands or can explain this to me, please do because the only solution I have is to stop spending time with them, which shouldn't be difficult since apparently I am a bad influence, [maybe they are a bad influence on me? (see above)] but still it is difficult cuz I love my friends and I don’t not want to spend time with them! So HELP!
